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[Jul. 24th, 2008|11:01 pm] |
I read back on my Journal and found a post about the realisation of what a funny, entertaining life I have had. Where did it go? Did I forget to feed it or something? Maybe I forgot to pack it while moving house. I rarely laugh or smile anymore, I've been dating a fantastic, cute boy and I am totally indifferent to him as I am so bored, so fucking bored. Nothing entertains me, nothing moves me. I find my life is all about bills and money, not going out, not buying anything, not moving from my house if I don't want to.
I have three more years in college left, but honestly what is the point? I am tired, cranky, upset, unmotivated and permanently pissed off.
I did have a fantastic life, but lately I have stopped forcing it, no one rings me and I dont care anymore, my phone is turned off now. I got depressed at hearing noises and thinking it was a text. Is it drugs? Drink? Am I actually a boring person as I dont do these things anymore? Was it just my habits that led to me having friends, I was an entertaining and fun bowsie, take that away and you have a sad man looking back at his pathetic glory days.
I dont even enjoy sex anymore, I dont enjoy wanking, I do it to sleep, it serves a function.... to help me rest, not for pleasure anymore. |
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| Writer's Block: Life Changing Experiences |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|05:43 pm] |
Three life changing experiences?
Well firstly coming out of the closet. I could have stayed in but why bother? Its been a good way of keeping shit friends away from me for years now. Major life changing thing, funny though cause some (mundane) straight people sometimes think that oh your gay, you just sleep with the same gender. But its not, it gives you a completely different outlook on life, Ive noticed how boring and predictable some people are. They have never done anything other than work, school and shag. They have never questioned themselves or met people from a different background. They dont learn, or grow. So being gay is probably one of the best things that ever happened to me really.
Going to college is probably number two, its settled me a lot. Not worrying about going out, will I pull? what will I do with my life now? Ive a five year plan and after that the world is my oyster.
Cant think of a no. 3 might come back and edit it. |
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| End of college year |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|05:29 pm] |
Well I've made it to the end of a college year, just got those pesky exams next week now. Had IT last week, think I've done pretty ok, doubt I got a merit but a pass will do. Been studying maths and management, still got to tackle customer care, accountancy and economics.
Working all last week while Wil was on holidays , had to be all butch and stuff, carrying people out, kicking people out. Not looking forward to working all summer but the money will be good til I get my loans cleared. |
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| Two weeks off |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|05:31 am] |
Just had two weeks off, which was fab. Worked a load, its the first time Ive had money in my wallet which wasnt earmarked for rent, bills or the credit union.
Back on monday, and I have assignments due in like ten days,none of which I have started. I work better under pressure. Started planning my summer already, Going tothe west for ten days, a few surfing lessons,the Life festival and general bowsieness around Galway. Hoping to get to Waterford a few times also, I havent been in over 6 months.
And hoping to get my playstation revved up a bit and get better at my badminton, my shoulder is killing me after this week, but hey my muscle tone is looking excellent so Im happy with that! |
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| Not Sleeping |
[Feb. 8th, 2008|05:47 am] |
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Martin doesn't sleep..... much during the night, it's nearly 6 and I'm just waiting to go to college, do my work shift and then I should be ready to sleep, thank god for computers. |
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| Amazing |
[Feb. 2nd, 2008|03:03 pm] |
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I've realised how amazing I actually am. The travel and experiences I've had. I spent last night very drunk at Donna's, who I actually believe is my soul mate. Loads of people and I was the centre of attention, because I have so many stories and such a unique outlook on life. Some really excellent people were there and I laughed harder than I have done in ages. I'll really have to edit this when I'm sober.... |
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| The year that was |
[Jan. 15th, 2008|05:20 pm] |
1)Was 2007 a good year for you?
Yes, it was a fantastic building block for the rest of my life.
2) What was your favourite moment of the year?
Garden Party was wonderful, hanging around with Ealain, Ailish, Emer, Willie and the 'little one'
3) What was your least favourite moment of the year?
No stand out worst moment.... a general feeling of depression in winter, funnily enough I suffer from S.A.D. only in Wexford. Maybe the doctor telling me I had Hepetitas..... He perhaps should have told me it was only Hep A in the same sentance.
4) Where were you when 2007 began?
At Donna's, which is now my house.
5) Who were you with?
Donna, Cora, crazy but lovely Amy and Jaquai the ultimate party pooper.
6) Where were you when 2007 ends?
In the Wren's working, dressed as a soldier with full camoflage make up.
7) Who were you with when 2006 ends?
The Wren, Wee Willie Wren, Denise and a hundred drunk customers
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
Didn't make any, I can't beat perfection....
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
Nope
10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
I think I stopped getting emotional highs and lows in 2007, no love, no hate. Apathy towards lesser beings is a major theme of 07. I believe in mankind having a pecking order. And if you can't see it, your at the bottom.
11) If yes, with whom?
12) If yes, do they know?
13) Are you still in love with them?
14) Do you regret it?
15) Did you break up with anyone in 2007?
Dating is not a good thing for me to do. It puts me in a bad position. I love breaking up..... it's the dating I have issues with.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2006?
Not friends in the deep meaning I have of the word no. I lost a lot though. Changed my phone number and didn't contact a lot of people, deleted my Bebo, my email had changed the year before so I've cut an awful lot of ties that were holding me back.
17) Who are your favourite new friends?
Fiona would probably be it, she's boppy.
18) What was your favourite month of 2007?
No stand out month.
19) Did you travel outside of Ireland in 2007?
Amsterdam. Good time. Probably won't go on holiday to stay with someone again though.
20) How many different places did you travel to in 2007?
Dublin, Galway, Waterford a lot.... Waterford was great. Playing games, going to the cinema, chatting about really random things with really kewl people.
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
Not physically, or emotionally either.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
I missed my old self a bit, but I'm happier now. By default missing my old self ment missing my old friends but I've accepted that time in my life is best off in the graveyard.
23) What was your favourite movie that you saw in 2007?
Possibly Harry Potter, I enjoyed that more than a 27 year old should.
24) What was your favourite song from 2007?
Hmmmmmmm. Not sure, posssibly Big Wheel.
25) What was your favourite album from 2007?
I'ld love to say Tori, but not really the whole album. Dunno.
26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
Garden Party only. Saw Neil Delamere twice though.
27) Did you have a favourite concert in 2007?
Pet Shop Boys were pretty kewl at Garden Party, suprised at how much I enjoyed them.
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
Not in comparison to other years
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
Nope. once or twice only
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
Four. I'm not as pretty as I was and I just couldn't be arsed anymore.
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Shame is for lesser beings.
32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2007?
The world automatically makes whatever I say true. If I tell a lie the world will change to make it factually accurate.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?
Don't know, I'm not really close enough to anyone to give a shit whether they lie to me or not.
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
Only people who deserved it.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
My sister tried to be a bitch to me, she just didn't realise that firstly, I don't view her as being a human being and secondly, she'll never be intelligent enough to get one over than me. I've had a lot of practice at being a total cunt.
36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
About 22K.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
Embarrassment is for lesser beings.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change it, what would it be?
Dunno, I'm pretty chipper with the way things are.
40) What are your plans for 2008?
Pass my exams, clear my debt, fight tooth and nail for my grants, become a Neopets legend, get back into the gym, Start my second year in college, take a good long holiday. And have some good horny sex.
41)What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Go to a festival, tell a lot of people that I really don't care what they do.
42)Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope, my housemate is pregnant though.
43)What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Money, not gonna happen though. I'll settle for a widescreen TV
44)What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Xmas Eve. A lot of bad news, and a lot of friends hurting.
45)What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting college, staying in college.
46)What was your biggest failure?
I'm perfect in every respect.
47)What was the best thing you bought?
Laptop, I fucking love this thing.
48)Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I think a joint effort between myself and Donna. Denise in those rare moments she stops giving a shit.
49)Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Hmmmmmmmm. Many, many people. I wouldn't say appalled because I've come to expect that most people are worthless. Anyone who tries to create a scene. Especially in public.
50)What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Starting college and realising that first year at least is a piece of piss.
51)Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier as I'm more stable.
ii. thinner or fatter? The same, maybe a little thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer.
52)What do you wish you'd done more of?
Good Sex, playing cards, working out.
53)What do you wish you'd done less of?
Nothing really
54)How did you spend Christmas?
At Donnas drunk as an ass.
55)How many one-night stands?
One.
56)What was your favourite TV program?
The Panel
57)Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Again with the extreme emotions. I don't feel them anymore.
58)What was the best book you read?
The Deathly Hallows, especially after talking to Emer and hearing how much it ment to her. She's ten years younger than me and she finished the last book in the same armchair as she started the first one.
59)What was your greatest musical discovery?
None really.
60)What did you want and get?
My college place.
61)What did you want and not get?
Nothing I can think of, I'm a very determined guy.
62)What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Myself and Donna went for dinner with 'friends', most of them will not be invited to repeat the tradition
63)What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Maybe more sex.
64)How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Cheap.
65)What kept you sane?
Neopets, The Sims 2, Donna, escaping down to Waterford.
66)Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Shayne Ward
67)What political issue stirred you the most?
The cabinets pay rises
68)Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
People are beneath me.
69)Quote a song lyric.
"C'mon, hold me, hurt me, say you love me.... and not my dirty brain"
Girls Aloud |
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| What was I thinking when? |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|05:00 pm] |
Very apt, todays writer's block. I'm wondering why, oh why did I return to Wexford. I'm now living in a lovely little house with a girl who just told me she's pregnant. So guess who's going to be the one who has to move? A three bed house, with parking and garden and in town centre, oh and rent controlled. Who's going to stay? The family or the homo. Answers on a postcard please.....
In other news, I haven't been going to college at all, I haven't been sleeping at all. I'm barely eating at all. I'm back playing badminton, my muscles ache, probably cause I don't eat or exercise, I'm returning to work next week to work more shifts and have less time cause I need the money. I'm probably going to flunk college, my life is closing rapidly around me and what am I doing? Playing fucking Neopets!!!!!
I've hit puberty again by the looks of it. |
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| Two weeks off the booze.... |
[Nov. 18th, 2007|02:11 pm] |
Off the booze for a while, I'ld like to think it's for November, but I've things coming up I'ld like to have a few pints for,. Deleted my Bebo account, don't really see the point in it anymore, it distracts me from proper journalling and it's really quite shit (in my opinion, don't fucking sue me!)
House is still in bits, got the floor down the furniture hasn't arrived, the electrician hasn't arrived, and I haven't done any cleaning for about a week.
This sober thing is startingto affect my brain, thinking about sitting my dance teachers exams, like I don't have enough to be doin with college and work >>>> cue mental breakdown.
Haven't had a shag for nearly six months now, really quite bizarre, don't even feel like a gay man anymore, just kinda floating along, should really do something about that...
Still passing my assignments, he he, they ain't found out I'm a fraud yet..
Getting an extra shift in work from now on, which is great, need the cash, I'm on the breadline at the moment, should really give up the fags. Need to buy myself another bookcase and a desk, hate the curtains in my room, need to clear my overdraft and credit union. Ugh money. Devil! |
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| Still in College |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|10:40 pm] |
Like how amazing is that? I'm still in college,got a bit wobbly there a few days ago, but there, passing assignments( fucking bastard IT grrrrrrrrrrrr), passing tests, not worried about the next ones, living in a house with bits of floor missing, dodgy electrics and no furniture in the sitting room. Yep I'm officially a student!
Missing most of last weekend, It involved Neil Delamerre, Getting Drunk,Stumbling home, going to work, stumbling home drunk again, getting drunk and getting drunk again. Four times in one weekend. Wow, more substances sheog, less alcohol.
Thought I learned that lesson years ago. |
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